I confess I’m somewhat surprised by this USA Today review of Apple Watch.
It’s not so good.
I mean, didn’t he get the message?
One of the things I admire so much about Apple is the way they market YOU ARE SPECIAL.
Apple is special. You buy Apple. Therefore…
YOU ARE SPECIAL!
Look at me! Look at my Apple Watch! I am special!
I POINT THE WAY!
You geeks just don’t get it!
The wonderful thing about how Apple markets its products this way isn’t just that it allows them to sell their devices at very high margins. It’s that it simultaneously kills any reasoned criticism. Because if you point out how a particular Apple device is, well, not so good, way overpriced, lagging the competition…
YOU ARE ATTACKING APPLE WHICH MEANS YOU ARE ATTACKING ME YOU ARE A HATER I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO ANYTHING YOU SAY HATER!
It’s fucking brilliant. Serious. Absolutely fucking brilliant. The very ones who use Apple products don’t dare say anything truly negative about Apple because that would mean they are diminishing the specialness of Apple which would mean they are diminishing the specialness of themselves. Nobody wants that.
Which makes me think this USA Today writer, who dares criticize his shiny new Apple Watch, must be using a loaner. No way he bought this for himself.
On my first day, I complained about endless passcode nags, a screen that was dark way too often and poor battery life.
Battery life on my first day with the watch was seven hours, not the 18 hours Apple promises, although to be fair, it’s a review watch that Apple says wasn’t fully charged. On Day Two, I was 100% charged at 9 a.m. and at 38% by 1 p.m.
But the main issue for me continues to be usability.
How do you navigate this thing? It’s just not as simple as the home screen and swipe controls of an iPhone and iPad.
So much so that I couldn’t help but notice how Apple posted 11 videos on its website Friday showing consumers how to work with the Watch, everything from receiving and sending text messages to changing the clock face and monitoring your activity.
It gets worse.
Ah, well. Haters gonna hate.