The iPad is not delayed! Stop saying the iPad is delayed!


I own an iPhone and a Mac. I use them nearly everyday. Both are made by Apple.

Question: can you like Apple products and not be an absolute pussy?

I’m serious. I read several Apple blogs, follow several Apple bloggers. Today, many of them, and for this I’ll let them go nameless, took exception to anyone who dared suggest — BECAUSE IT’S A LIE! IT’S A GODDAM LIE! APPLE IS GOOD! YOU ARE STUPID! — that the mythical “big” iPad is “delayed.”

For fuck sake. Do you really need to give your life to a corporation? Must you give your soul to defend the world’s richest corporation from a charge it probably doesn’t even care about?

The “big iPad” either is or isn’t delayed, was or wasn’t delayed.

Don’t be a pussy.



Popular Science writes that:


Was reliability *ever* in your mind of all the things related to cyborg cockroaches!

Designing an inch-long robot is tricky: there are lots of small moving parts, and it’s hard to get a tiny enough battery that can still power the entire system. Instead of designing a whole new robot body, scientists at Texas A&M University instead hijacked an existing, efficient form: cockroaches. Using an implant that plugs into the roach’s nervous system, they were able to steer the cockroach in the correct direction 60 percent of the time.

Apple Watch? It Tells Time? WHAT IS THIS MAGIC!


You know the drill: the *only* reason to buy Apple Watch is to show people you bought Apple Watch.

End of story.

For you, at least. As your intrepid curmudgeon, I must seek out the possible, theoretical, distant future reasons why anyone would buy Apple Watch other than to show off.

Where I came upon:

Apple Watch: Should you get one? 

The first reason given, seriously, the very first reason is…

hold on, i’m still laughing…

The very first reason —

wait, stop, quit laughing Brian!

Okay. I’m good.

Ah, fuck.

Ok, this time for real. STOP! This time for real. The first reason is:

it tells the time

I fuckin shit you not. Go check it out if you don’t believe me. Here’s the link again: [link]

When you want to see the time on your Apple Watch, you don’t have to dig into your pocket or purse, or reach for your bag or table, you just turn your wrist.

The time! With a mere turn of your wrist?


Seriously, if the reasons that followed were: with Apple Watch, you can fly and have super-strength, I’ll never know because I quit reading right there. Tells fucking time. What the fuck happened to the Apple bloggers? Remember when they had actual amazing magical innovation to talk about?

Will You Just Look At All These Chinese People Buying iPhones

As a user of Apple products, and as an American, I kinda love these videos showing how eagerly Chinese (and others) embrace our technologies, our most advanced, borderline-magical creations.

I think it also a testament to Apple, its products, its design, its commitment to detail, its history and, yes, it’s marketing, that people would clamor to enter their store like shoppers at a Walmart on Black Friday.

It also gives me pause.

Ignoring the high-priced bands of Apple Watch, there is a forced sameness to all that Apple makes. The very company that so aggressively advertises its products as unleashing our *individual* potential and our *unique* creativity does this by essentially all demanding we use the same tools in the same way.

When you combine this with everyone being on Facebook, everyone using the same Google algorithm, and, while I mostly think this is a net positive for humanity, I am nonetheless concerned with the possibility that we are all being led like sheep. Worse, willingly so.

Probably, it’s an overstated fear.

The video also gives me pause for another reason, one I don’t think we fear enough.

China control of our tools and technologies.

Tim Cook is aggressively chasing profits around the world. He is focused on high-margin accessories, like Watch and Beats, on Burberry-style luxury items, and sales in China.

China knows this and demands tribute.


I believe China, which I believe demands Cook build every single iPhone from within their country, has infiltrated and infected every single iPhone on the planet, on a base level. Thus, when I hear Tim Cook talk about how he (and Apple) value security and user privacy, I think that though it’s mostly CEO-speak, a part of him also believes in this.

Not that it matters.

When our president criticizes China for its “cybersecurity” policies, policies designed to favor Chinese companies and restrict liberty, I think he means it, though probably won’t do much about it, given how much money American companies like Apple are making on the Chinese mainland.

Design is compromise.

So is business.

You don’t become the world’s richest company on purity.

If the band costs more than the hardware, software and components, it’s not a smartwatch. It’s jewelry.

The only jewelry I have is my wedding ring. I suspect it will always be no more than that. I realize, of course, that you likely feel different. That’s fine. But, damn. I just expect so much more from Apple.

I keep hoping that maybe, somehow, the gold and the bands and the pretty colors are there to mask the truth, to mask the hidden bomb Apple has planted, a revolution in computing and sensors and data.

But I look at the marketing, at the specs, I listen to the CEO, I see who he has  hired, and I’m sad all over again.

Apple is not spreading tech into our homes, our lives and around the world. It’s chasing profits.

Tell me this is wrong. Show me how.

Apple First! Human Beings After.


More stories coming in that reveal a rather startling rise in credit card fraud taking place with and through Apple Pay.

How does this impact you? Will it?

Right now, I don’t know. It seems as if the fraudsters are targeting the process of how credit cards get provisioned for use in Apple Pay. Which seems like it’s primarily a problem for issuing banks and the credit card companies.

But, I don’t know.

Might this rise in fraud impact my credit score?

Will us iPhone users now be bigger targets for identity theft?

Will thieves be even more eager to steal our iPhones?

Will the process of getting a card to work in Apple Pay now take longer, be more cumbersome? Will this fraud slow the spread of merchants willing to accept Apple Pay?

So many questions.

Yet, motherfuck but the motherfucking Apple cheerleaders are insisting this is NOT ABOUT APPLE! Because they motherfucking care more about the world’s richest fucking corporation than they care about your money and your safety.

Fuck them.

Fuck them. I don’t need them — or anyone — rushing to defend Apple Inc. I need to know how this effects me now and might in the future. I go to the various Apple blogs to learn, but they instead offer only bush-league PR. Fuckers.

iPhone And Mac Cost Too Much Only If You Are Unworthy Of iPhone And Mac


I have an iPhone. It cost a great deal of money. I wish it cost less, obviously, much less. I’m not stupid, after all.

There was a time when I believed iPhone offered the absolute best value of any smartphone. Now, at least for most users, I do not believe this. There are simply too many impressive, capable alternatives on the market, available for a lower price.

As a long-time Mac user, the value of the (mostly) seamless integration between Mac and iPhone, combined with the fact that I am American and the good Lord blessed me with a decent wage, keeps me in the iPhone fold.

That said, I can no longer recommend iPhone as the best value for those who dare ask my opinion. This gives me a tinge of sadness, I confess, because I really want to be able to recommend the product I use.

End of story, right?


Right now, the really big leaps in the smartphone market, the greatest innovations, are at the mid-tier and bottom-tier. Frankly, it’s incredible. Stunning. What you can get for $100, and especially for $300 is almost mind-boggling. The quality and reliability and sheer functionality and range of apps and depth of software of these devices is, frankly, one of the very best, most positive things that is happening in this world, connecting us all, empowering the once-marginalized, liberating the talents and abilities of children, women and men from across the world.

Yet, everyday over and over again, from fanboys and the Apple Echo Chamber, all I hear is sneering, classist, dismissive remarks about the companies that would create such a device and — and this just fucking pisses me off so bad — by those who would buy and use such a device.

What the fuck is wrong with all these Apple users?

That Microsoft and Intel are teaming up to make rather incredible mobile computing devices under $300 is something that we — humanity — should be joyful over! Instead, it’s the looking-down-their-nose sneering.

Only much much worse. And this is the part that makes me not just angry at these folk but I confess, at Apple as well, because I think it encourages such divisive thinking.

The echo chamber repeats ad nauseam how Apple won’t get in a “race to the bottom.” You know, because it’s nasty and bad down there. Fuckers. You even have Apple users, not Apple executives, ready to explain to you how “going down-market” would “harm the brand.”

Why the fuck do you care about the brand?

Apple is the richest company in the world, why are you so eager not just to defend them but to insist it would be wrong for the company to make a “cheap” iPhone?

We know why.

These people are not using Apple products because they are the best or offer the best value. Rather, they are using Apple products because of the status they believe it confers upon them.

Which is fucking weak.

And which enables the world’s richest company to avoid the very place where all the cool innovation is happening.

But, no. These lost souls and small minds who use Apple because they need to feel special would rather Apple make even more profits than do anything that just might lessen the “brand.”

Fucking sad.

And fuck does it piss me off.

My name is Brian. I use Apple products. I have an iPhone. I hope Apple goes down-market. I hope Apple makes a “cheap” iPhone. I hope the prices of iPhone and Mac drop radically. I am a fellow human and would rather the world have a low-priced iPhone than Apple Inc get even richer.

How could you not think the same?

Becoming Bored Of All The Becoming Steve Jobs Posts


I see all these posts for yet another book on Steve Jobs.

“Becoming Steve Jobs”

What the fuck kind of stupid title is that?

Now I read that Gruber received an advance copy and is no doubt ginning sales like mad:

Becoming Steve Jobs is a remarkable new book by Brent Schlender and Rick Tetzeli.

It is, in short, the book about Steve Jobs that the world deserves.

Apparently, that book about Steve Jobs that the actual Steve Jobs authorized wasn’t what you — and the entire world — actually deserved.

I didn’t read it but I’m guessing it failed to elevate Jobs to the messianic heights the priesthood demands.

Here’s the thing: fucking stop.

Seriously. Stop. Stop turning Jobs into a god-like figure, stop trying to force everyone to acknowledge that you get Jobs, really really get him. Stop trying to convince me to buy any product from the world’s richest corporation because Steve Jobs.

I have a Mac and an iPhone. Isn’t that enough?

What we know about Steve Jobs is that he was relentless, inspired, lucky, brilliant and a total prick, possibly to everyone. He got so much right. It would have been so awesome to see him and Bill Gates plotting how to spend their billions to profoundly alter and enhance the world.

But now he’s dead.

Steve Jobs is the Henry Ford of the computing age, just as mercurial, just as tarnished. We are adults. We can know this and acknowledge this and get on with our life. As a lifelong Apple user, I can tell you it is time to end this Cult of Steve Jobs.

Wait. Have The Biggest Apple Cheerleaders Turned On iPhone?


One reason for my many posts decrying Apple Watch is that Apple wasted Jony Ive and numerous other talents and resources on this do-nothing device, allowing the industry to catch up to iPhone.

Worse, allowing iPhone to stagnate.

No, it’s not just the bendgate, nor that stupid earphone jack placement, nor the shocking limits on battery, not advancing the camera as well as they could, not even that stupid and intrusive sleep button on the side.

Think of the advancements of iPhone the past five years. The stuff that matters most.

  1. phablet size — a copy of Samsung
  2. TouchID — acquired technology
  3. Siri — acquired technology that is still shockingly limited and error-prone

Think of how much further iPhone could be if not for the waste of Apple Watch.

I know, I know, you’ll never hear this from the cheerleaders of the world’s richest company. They’ll never dare say one bad word against iPhone.

Except, just today, Gruber said this:

I think we’re lacking for good, deep quality apps on iOS.

Ever think you’d hear him say that?

Then this, also today, from iMore’s managing editor for iOS:

The iPhone 6 is a solitary gadget: When you’re interacting with it, your gaze is averted from the room’s events.

I want a gadget with the power of an iPhone but the presence of a much smaller, less obtrusive gadget.

The iPhone is mentally too obtrusive and physically butts into conversation

If you think I’ve taken any of this out of context, go read both posts right now.

Of course, this also requires Apple’s Siri software to perform a little more reliably than it does on your iPhone.

I’ve had some ridiculously epic Siri misfires while trying to dictate messages before.

When did the iPhone’s biggest cheerleaders turn?

What I’ve long said about Apple Watch is true: the only reason to buy Apple Watch is to show people you bought Apple Watch.

The tragedy, however, is what Apple has lost in developing this, in prioritizing this iPhone accessory above iPhone. Even the Apple Echo Chamber know this. Kudos to them for confessing in public.

They are setting up new iPhones with stolen personal information

Charles Arthur with a fascinating piece on Apple Pay fraud.

The crooks have not broken the secure encryption around Apple Pay’s fingerprint-activated wireless payment mechanism. Instead, they are setting up new iPhones with stolen personal information, and then calling banks to “provision” the victim’s card on the phone to use it to buy goods.

Criminals with the stolen IDs are understood to have targeted Apple Stores in particular because they both accept Apple Pay and offer high-value items, which can then be sold on for cash.

Essentially, the data sent from the iPhone to the bank when the user first initiates Apple Pay — or adds a new card to the service — is where the fraud appears to be occurring. If I read this right, banks are so eager to get us iPhone users to buy on credit with our mobile phones, they are much too easily approving new card requests.

Nonetheless, this new fraud involves our identity, our iPhone, and Apple Pay. Meaning, we should proceed cautiously.


Within moments of the Guardian piece, iMore launches a counter-attack because YOU DARE NOT SPEAK ILL OF APPLE!

Unable to target Apple Pay, criminals unsurprisingly stick to bank fraud, identity theft

Apple Pay is so secure criminals so far have only been able take advantage of it by taking advantage of the banks behind it.

Furthermore, no oneshould be alarmed about Apple Pay in this context.

What’s more, Apple does a lot to help banks avoid approving illegitimate cards.

Again, this has nothing to do with Apple Pay.

Fucking embarrassing. Fucking total disservice to readers.

There is fraud. It may happen to you. It may involve your iPhone and/or your credit card. At least know this, know how to secure yourself and your credit information. Find out how to be alerted instantly if there’s a charge falsely made in your name.

But iMore fucking rushes to defend not you, not your family, but the world’s biggest, richest for-profit corporation. Mother fucking embarrassing. Stop reading shit like that.