Rant On

My Twitter rant tonight. Yes, about Apple.

YOU MUST NEVER BLAME APPLE. THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM. APPLE IS NOT AT FAULT. YOU ARE AT FAULT.

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Well, this is just terrible.

No, disgraceful. Do we really need shills for the world’s richest corporation? No matter what they do? No matter who they impact?

Today’s edition: it was discovered that Apple sources tin from Indonesia mines with workers, many of them children, working in deplorable, unhealthy, possibly slave-like conditions.

This is not being disputed.

Look, I realize it’s easy to point your finger at Apple. I’m not going to do that here. Perhaps the company is legitimately looking into this and truly wants to improve conditions. Perhaps they will in fact improve worker conditions. I hold Apple to a higher standard. I hold American companies to a higher standard. Let’s see to it they follow through.

But I am not Apple.

Apple has thousands of employees able to monitor its supply chain. Apple has — literally — hundreds of billions of dollars of cash to make a difference, to force change. We must hold their feet to the fire. We must demand they take action.

Instead, we get:

Loop Insight:

Seems to me that the Panorama program was very selective in their reporting, that they were determined to paint Apple as a villain, rather than tell both sides of the story.

God forbid BBC News “paint Apple as a villain.”

It gets worse.

Macworld, duly outraged, asks “but is it all Apple’s fault?”

The BBC explains how many other companies use this kind of factory, but, as is often the case, merely picked Apple since it’s the biggest target.

Over and over and over again, the Echo Chamber squees because Apple is now the biggest company in the world — with the most profit! They tout that “only Apple” can X. They never tire, not ever, of pointing out what sets Apple apart.

But dare say Apple is merely linked to something bad and the very first instinct is to rush to defend this rich, unique giant.

It gets worse.

Business Insider founder Henry Blodget essentially states how dare we blame Apple. Really, it’s your fault.

But as you go around wagging your finger at Apple today, be honest about your own contribution to this problem. Today’s economy is global. Some of the people who make the products you use every day have jobs and lives that you would consider appalling. You know this. You just fortunately don’t have to think about it very often. You are also choosing to continue buying these products, even though you know what goes into them.

That’s your choice, not Apple’s.

Yeah, cause I’ve got the same resources, reach and power as Apple. Jesus.

This is Apple journalism in 2014. A mad dash to vigorously defend Apple against everyone, against everything. Stop being a cheerleader. We deserve better.

Woz Goes Oz

This paper says Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple, has been granted “permanent resident” status for Australia and that he plans on moving to Tasmania.

He originally applied for Australian citizenship in 2012. He’s since taken steps to move more aspects of his life Down Under; in October he became an adjunct professor at the University of Technology in Sydney. He says he’s thinking about a citizenship ceremony.

In a wide-ranging interview with The Australian Financial Review, ­Wozniak praised current Apple chief executive Tim Cook for breaking free from Steve Jobs’s “dogma” by allowing a big-screen iPhone to be made.

He labelled Google Glass as an “admirable failure” and said he was looking forward to ­eventually living a more relaxed life in Australia.

Wozniak says his decision to make Australia home came after he received an email from old friend, Sydney-based barrister Nicholas Baltinos, alerting him to the fact it could be a possibility.

With a son married to an Aussie and resident in Sydney, and a fondness for the local culture, Wozniak says he plunged into the lengthy series of visa applications, medicals and FBI checks before finally being accepted.

No.

Look, I love Australia and Australians. No finer people.

But I follow Woz on Twitter. Dude’s entire life is centered around eating at Applebee’s or Marie Callendar’s. Unless they have those in volume down under, this isn’t happening.

My Self Worth Tied Into Apple Sales

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Do you like iPad? Do you use iPad? Does iPad help you at work? Do you play games on your iPad?

Really?

So why isn’t that enough?

Why have so much of your (meager) self worth tied up into the world’s richest, most profitable corporation — which almost certainly does not know you exist?

Jim Dalrymple today addresses the question of whether or not he is “worried” about declining iPad sales because readers apparently tell him they are worried about this.

I’ve been asked by analysts, industry insiders, and Apple users over the last several financial quarters if I’m worried about Apple’s iPad sales. The simple answer to that question is: no, I’m not.

Then follows all the reasons why iPad is different.

What would concern me is if consumers were buying a competitor’s product instead of the iPad. That doesn’t appear to be happening. Samsung hasn’t been doing great lately and Amazon doesn’t release any numbers, so we don’t know for sure how they’re doing (although all indications are not as well as Apple).

The bigger question — why give a fuck — is never addressed.

If you job is to pick stocks, you should care. If not, concerns over iPad sales is just sad. Be better than that. Does the iPad work for you? Great. We’re done. That’s all that matters.

Apple Pay? Best Feature? Um, No.

iMore offers their best of 2014 awards.

It’s not good. At least, not good for iPhone users.

Their “iOS feature of the year” is Apple Pay. Which is just sad.

Look, Apple Pay may become a thing. We may all use it, eventually. In the future, it may include our location, our search history, our rewards points and offer up great deals on the best products.

Right now, though, it’s a gimmick. You don’t save any time. You don’t gain any benefit. That a gimmick is the best iOS feature of 2014 does not bode well for iOS. As iMore is forced to admit:

It’s limited still, yes, but it’s also one of the biggest steps yet towards the digital wallet.

Stop It! Stop It! Apple Is Good! Everything Apple Does Is Wonderful! Leave Apple Alone!

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Apple’s latest Christmas ad is shit. Dull, uninspiring shit.

Of course you may disagree. You are wrong. Apple’s ad is shit.

However, I am prepared to listen to you explain why Apple’s shit ad is not shit.

I’m similarly prepared to listen to you explain why Apple’s shit ad may be shit but it works — by increasing sales, for example.

Fine.

But this “Macalope” piece in Macworld is an embarrassment.

It doesn’t even attempt to argue that Apple’s shitty ad isn’t shit. It only mocks those who dare say anything bad about Apple’s shitty ad.

Because, why? I mean, it’s not like this person works for Apple, right? I mean, not directly. Obviously Macworld isn’t going to anger sugar daddy but have at least some journalist integrity, just a smattering. Simply don’t say anything. But to cry and whine and bitch about anyone who says anything possibly bad about Apple is such a complete pussy move.

Have some self respect.

Sad. Just Sad.

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Because the Apple Faithful will apparently click click click on whatever anyone posts about Apple (um, maybe I should stop right here), comes this stupid stupid post from, yes, Business Insider:

Big, Beautiful Pictures Of What The iPhone 7 Might Look Like

Might? Oh the stupid it doth burn

The stupid launches with:

Even though Apple released its new iPhones in September, there is already speculation that the next iPhone redesign — the iPhone 7 — will be even better when it arrives in 2016.

These theoretical mark-ups of the iPhone 7.

It already has 100,000 views in less than 24 hours, and this despite the fact that it is an utterly content free post and the “theoretical mark-ups” (oof) look exactly like an iPhone 6.

Time to give up the teat Apple users. Like the product you have. Life’s too short to be always strung along. I established this site to mock the hacks covering Apple but if you keep rewarding their stupid, I may have no choice but to shift my focus to you.

Apple Now So Big It Can Mock China In Its Commercials

Oops. My bad. The song lyrics from this latest iPad ad mock America.

Silly, I know.

But I bet you the China version of this ad doesn’t dare contain lyrics not fully approved by the state.

 More from The Blaze:

A new iPad commercial created by Apple uses the music of an anti-establishment song that appears to glorify burning the flag and rejecting Uncle Sam.

You better pledge your allegiance
You’re not the only one
Listen up forefathers
I’m not your son
You better save the country
You better pass the flask
You better join the army
I said: “no thank you, dear old uncle Sam!”

You better toss your bullets
You better hide your guns
You better help the children
Let them have some fun, some fun, some fun!

To Every iPhone Bend Bend Bend

Wow.

The iPhone 6 bend test video was the 5th most viewed this year on Youtube. More than 60 million views. Astounding.

The bend problem never should have happened. Why did it?

Apple has become too big, too global, too fixated on ecosystem and margins. This must be said.

iPhone 6 was the most poorly designed of all iPhones, and I’m not at all surprised it had major problems.

Note: I do not mean iPhone 6 is the worst iPhone (or smartphone). Rather, that Apple apparently spent far more time on other efforts, such as Watch, and far less time on iPhone 6. Yes, its good. No, it’s not as amazing as it could be or should be.

Yes, you know this.

To their credit, Apple’s stellar PR team engaged in some great FUD over this video, making sure the Echo Chamber mocked the truth, while fixing the problem and accepting returns. So, little harm.