Everybody drink!

Say. Remember way back, in the dark times, early 2015, before Apple Watch?

Remember how EVERY APPLE BLOGGER AND EVERY APPLE BLOG REPEATEDLY mocked Android because of “engagement”?

Good times.

Sure, Android sold way way way more than iPhone but sales aren’t what matters. Everybody knows that. What matters is ENGAGEMENT.

Apple products are better quality design Jony Ive Steve details, and so Apple users *want* to use their iPhone. Apple users use their iPhone all the time for everything. I mean, really, what are Android users even using their phones for?

LOOK AT THE ENGAGEMENT NUMBERS!

But that was long, long ago. Now that we have the high-priced and highly showy Apple Watch, our iPhones are now not supposed to be engaged. No. Instead, we must buy an iPhone to keep it in our pocket so that we can then ENGAGE! with our Apple Watch.

From today’s Loop Insight:

This is all about efficiency, about reducing interface friction, the time cost of having to pull out your phone to check for a progress notification or seek some reportable data.

DRINK!

And if you can’t hold your liquor, do not play. As I have already shown, only bad people have their iPhones out. All the cool kids now have their iPhone in their pocket.

DRINK!

Apple Insider: “The only way it could have been easier is if I hadn’t needed to pull my iPhone 6 Plus out.”

DRINK!

Loop Insight: “If you can gain, essentially, the same information by tilting your wrist as you might by digging your phone out of your pocket”

DRINK!

iMore: “And that’ll mean you won’t have to go reaching for your iPhone”

DRINK!

Wired: “THE MOST COMPELLING case you can make for the Apple Watch is that it frees us from our phones: the ones Apple sold us. No longer will we have to pull them out to…”

DRINK!

UPDATE MARCH 31, 2015: All the pageviews are belong to Quartz with this post: “Six months in, the iPhone 6 Plus is the best computer I’ve ever had.”

But wait! It gets worse: “I have a reason now for buying an Apple Watch”

Wait for it…

“and keeping my big phone in my pocket when it’s not convenient to take out—is now compelling.”

DRINK!

I don’t know how much they make, but Apple PR earns every goddam cent.