Now we demand a chance to do things for ourselves…
A group of young black males walked into an Apple Store.
Apple Store employees kicked the young men out. This set the whole world into a collective tut-tut. Apple, to its credit, quickly apologized for the incident, and declared that employee cultural re-training would herby be strictly enforced.
All are welcome inside the Most Holy Church of the Profit Share.
Except, it seems some are still more welcome than others…
Which leads me, yes, once again, to point out how much I hate Apple Watch. Apple Watch is everything that Apple *ought* to be against, it’s certainly everything that Steve Jobs hated.
It’s form before function.
It’s ecosystem before innovation.
It does almost nothing, and none of it better than what already exists — STEVE JOBS WOULD NEVER ALLOW THIS!
Oh, and it’s ugly. I mean, do I really have to point this out? It’s fat, it has a big, unappealing dial, it’s squarish shape is just so utterly unattractive. Look at this thing:
Please don’t tell me you think that’s attractive.
Oh, and there’s one more awful thing about Apple Watch, something else that Steve Jobs would never tolerate:
It’s deliberately elitist.
The product is kept under lock and key. It’s sold at pricey jewelry stores. It’s offered in different “editions” with different bands, some made of gold, and these bands — the most important part of the product — are all *solely* designed to reveal how much money you have. Elitist. Separatist. Backwards-looking.
Apple Watch is the anti-Steve Jobs product.
Apple bloggers are too afraid to tell you this, I suspect because they make their money by encouraging you to buy, to consume, then to buy more, to consume more. I’m not afraid.
“This is a typically well written and thought out piece by Gruber, taking down the ridiculousness of the Apple doomsayers.”
As I keep telling you, and as I have repeatedly proven, only Apple bloggers ever say APPLE DOOMED! It’s straight-up astroturfing, designed to keep the flock feeling threatened — and thus requiring their defenders to save them from all who may dare question the gospel.
Anytime someone says APPLE DOOMED! — and it’s always always always a self-appointed Apple blogger — just stop reading them. They don’t deserve your time or attention.
What’s actually worse than the silly, false APPLE DOOM! nonsense?
Tech bloggers who review a failed Apple product, who can’t legitimately recommend it to their readers, nor even to themselves, but instead of laying the blame for this on Apple — the maker of the product! — they dodge this cold truth by insisting that “techies” won’t get it, “techies” won’t understand how Apple’s latest once again POINTS THE WAY TO THE FUTURE!
Odd how the future is to be so utterly filled with high-priced Apple products that exist now but which the reviewers can’t honestly recommend — now.
Must I be the only one brave enough to point out the clear and *present* faults with Apple products? Must I be the only one brave enough to call out Apple for its bad product, to state this — explicitly — rather than insist that, well, if only people give this latest non-necessary Apple product more time then future versions of the product will be wonderful. So buy this bad Apple product NOW! because, um, in the future it will be AWESOME!
Bad blogger. Bad, bad blogger. Readers first, not Apple first.
Matthew Panzarino from Techcrunch tries so hard to justify the utterly non-necessary iPad Pro. So, so hard:
As for it being a replacement for a desktop or laptop — the technorati may hitch their pants and stomp around in a haze of jargon arguing that Microsoft couldn’t figure it out so how will Apple.
All those “technorati” filled with “jargon” saying mean things about Apple…
But out there in the real world people are using tablets and phones exclusively. My wife hasn’t had a ‘home personal computer’ outside of a phone and tablet in years. She’s used my desktop and/or laptop perhaps once or twice a month, at most, and usually only because they’re handy. Since the iPad Pro has been around the house, that’s gone down even further.
So she used your desktop twice a month and now uses it only once a month — yay Apple!
Look. I get it. There are completely valid arguments for why statements like Tim Cook’s ‘end of the PC’ quote yesterday could be considered marketing hype or delusion. But there is a bigger issue.
Don’t you get it! Tim Cook was right in his wrongness! That’s the real issue! The bigger issue! Not all the money you spend on this crap product, but the bigger issue of THE FUTURE!
I am absolutely fed up with tech bloggers and technical writers assuming that all people use computers the way they do.
Nobody assumes this. Nobody. If you need a utterly false straw man to justify the current Apple product you are reviewing, that means the current Apple product you are reviewing is unworthy. Say so. TELL YOUR READERS THE TRUTH ABOUT THIS APPLE PRODUCT! STOP DEFENDING APPLE!
There is no longer just the ‘truck’ of the desktop and laptop and the ‘car’ of the phone. There are gradations of tone in between, and the iPad Pro absolutely, 100% could be the central computing device for a home.
“Absolutely 100% could be?”
My God. This insistence of grading Apple products on a curve, of trying so so hard to justify them, of trying so so hard to convince readers to spend their hard-earned money on a high-priced Apple product — because Apple! — is a disservice to bloggers, techies, oh, and people out in the real world.
Many days, I run TechCrunch from my phone. On those days, the ‘traditional’ computers in my household lie dormant, completely. If you think this is an edge case, you are blinding yourself to the way the world has changed.
Everyone knows the world has changed. Everyone. Why all these words to dance around the truth: you know people shouldn’t buy this newest Apple product. SAY SO!
Instead of dwelling on whether an iPad or tablet can do exactly what a laptop or desktop does, we need to ask ourselves what can it do differently, or better. Not what it can duplicate — what it can enable.
Ok. Tell me. You’ve got 1000s of words here. What can iPad Pro “do differently”? Do “better”? What “can it enable”?
HE NEVER ANSWERS THIS!
THAT’S HOW BAD IPAD PRO IS — so say this!
But, no. In their attempts to justify Apple, we are met with nothing but word vomit…
Be honest with your readers!
iPad Pro is another half-baked product from Apple that won’t do much and will cost a great deal more.
What is it with the Apple bloggers in refusing to speak this truth? Why put Apple’s interests before the readers? Insisting the product will work — in some ways, in some future, for some group…? That’s the review?
It’s fucking embarrassing.
Stop trying to remain on Apple’s good side. Stop trying to appease Apple’s legions of fanboys.
Stop throwing up *thousands* of words that lead to…”well, I won’t buy this and “techies” won’t buy this but, well, Apple made it so, well, that must mean it’s great! For the real world!”
Let’s all read the final words of this “review”:
It’s going to take some time and experimentation to figure this out.
What? Take some time and experimentation to figure this out? WTF! Shouldn’t this read: hey, everyone, wait until Apple gets iPad Pro right! DO NOT BUY IT NOW!
Despite my irritation at the way that the tablet space is analyzed, I am not willing to declare the personal computer (non-Cupertino definition) ‘dead’. I’ll leave that to the bombasts.
Translation: iPad Pro sucks. It’s not worth the money. But, well, I can’t bring myself to blame Apple for this. Instead, I’ll blame the bombasts.
But there is a certain (sorry) norm-core computing demographic that could very well end up with an iPad Pro as the ’enhanced’ component to their smartphone, which is their real computer. Somewhere on the same level as other use-case-based devices like wearables and an interconnected home.
A certain demographic? Could? Very well? End up with? This enhancement to their smartphone?
My God. Does iPad Pro really suck that bad? SAY SO! Readers before Apple!
If you are a company that is not exploring that, as Apple is, and as Microsoft is, then you should probably look into a career in tech blogging.
APPLE IS THE FUTURE!
Oof. What a fucking waste of a read.
Why can’t “techie” reviewers be *honest* with their readers when it comes to Apple? Why are Apple products *repeatedly* graded on a curve?
Help me just destroy this entire wasteful, deceptive, bullshit Apple blogger ecosystem.
These former Apple employees deliver a blistering critique of Apple design, post-Steve:
Apple is destroying design.
Worse, it is revitalizing the old belief that design is only about making things look pretty. No, not so! Design is a way of thinking, of determining people’s true, underlying needs, and then delivering products and services that help them. Design combines an understanding of people, technology, society, and business. The production of beautiful objects is only one small component of modern design: Designers today work on such problems as the design of cities, of transportation systems, of health care. Apple is reinforcing the old, discredited idea that the designer’s sole job is to make things beautiful, even at the expense of providing the right functions, aiding understandability, and ensuring ease of use.
Apple has more money than any corporation on the planet. No one is richer than Apple. Nearly all Apple’s money comes from one product, the iPhone, which is a smartphone, which is the one product that nearly everyone on the planet will buy.
It’s hard to expect any product, any service, any innovation coming down the pike, at least not before 2022, that could threaten the Apple – iPhone hegemony.
There are two trends, both of which I strongly support, that could limit Apple’s potential well before next decade:
- A rejection of consumption — this is the antithesis of Apple and its cadre of Apple bloggers, which it seems exist solely to get you to BUY BUY BUY! SPEND SPEND SPEND! BUY THIS! SPEND MORE! NEVER FORGET! YOU ARE WHAT YOU BUY!
- An embrace of physical interactions — this is the antithesis of Apple, whose product strategy appears to be nothing more than an effort to have us all stare into screens all of the time, wherever we are, whoever we are with, whatever we’re doing, always and forever.
Let’s build a better way.