[9 November 2011: Brian: Can you believe I wrote this back in April 2010? It was my attempt to divine the real meaning of Dear Leader's words in his very public "Thoughts on Flash" statement. The full statement is below, followed by my decrypted summation. Re-posting today as Adobe has announced that that whole Flash-for-mobile-the-full-web thing is over. As we always knew it would be.]

As not all are capable of divining the full meaning of Dear Leader’s words, I shall provide guidance.

Apple has a long relationship with Adobe.

It’s not me. It’s you.

In fact, we met Adobe’s founders when they were in their proverbial garage. Apple was their first big customer, adopting their Postscript language for our new Laserwriter printer. Apple invested in Adobe and owned around 20% of the company for many years. The two companies worked closely together to pioneer desktop publishing and there were many good times. Since that golden era, the companies have grown apart. Apple went through its near death experience, and Adobe was drawn to the corporate market with their Acrobat products. Today the two companies still work together to serve their joint creative customers – Mac users buy around half of Adobe’s Creative Suite products – but beyond that there are few joint interests.

Well, okay, because I’m so much better now, and we’re no longer in the same league, it’s kind of me. But, mostly, it’s you.

I wanted to jot down some of our thoughts on Adobe’s Flash products so that customers and critics may better understand why we do not allow Flash on iPhones, iPods and iPads.

Bwhahahahahahahahahahaha…..

Adobe has characterized our decision as being primarily business driven – they say we want to protect our App Store – but in reality it is based on technology issues. Adobe claims that we are a closed system, and that Flash is open, but in fact the opposite is true. Let me explain.

You are a weak, pink-assed baboon. I hurl my feces at you. Sit there and take it!

First, there’s “Open”.

There is no open. Only Windows (I make joke).

Adobe’s Flash products are 100% proprietary. They are only available from Adobe, and Adobe has sole authority as to their future enhancement, pricing, etc. While Adobe’s Flash products are widely available, this does not mean they are open, since they are controlled entirely by Adobe and available only from Adobe. By almost any definition, Flash is a closed system.

I create magic. I use words here because it is doubtless the only way for your mind to comprehend.

Apple has many proprietary products too.

Once, we were as you. Of this world, mortal.

Though the operating system for the iPhone, iPod and iPad is proprietary, we strongly believe that all standards pertaining to the web should be open.

Now we are like gods; advanced beings that give to you what we craft and your feeble mind can perceive of it only as magic. Good.

Rather than use Flash, Apple has adopted HTML5, CSS and JavaScript – all open standards.

God, you suck.

Apple’s mobile devices all ship with high performance, low power implementations of these open standards. HTML5, the new web standard that has been adopted by Apple, Google and many others, lets web developers create advanced graphics, typography, animations and transitions without relying on third party browser plug-ins (like Flash). HTML5 is completely open and controlled by a standards committee, of which Apple is a member.

I am Duke Atriedes.

Apple even creates open standards for the web.

We must because you fail, repeatedly.

For example, Apple began with a small open source project and created WebKit, a complete open-source HTML5 rendering engine that is the heart of the Safari web browser used in all our products. WebKit has been widely adopted. Google uses it for Android’s browser, Palm uses it, Nokia uses it, and RIM (Blackberry) has announced they will use it too. Almost every smartphone web browser other than Microsoft’s uses WebKit. By making its WebKit technology open, Apple has set the standard for mobile web browsers.

Resistance is futile.

Second, there’s the “full web”.

You are an ape. Playing with yourself.

Adobe has repeatedly said that Apple mobile devices cannot access “the full web” because 75% of video on the web is in Flash. What they don’t say is that almost all this video is also available in a more modern format, H.264, and viewable on iPhones, iPods and iPads. YouTube, with an estimated 40% of the web’s video, shines in an app bundled on all Apple mobile devices, with the iPad offering perhaps the best YouTube discovery and viewing experience ever. Add to this video from Vimeo, Netflix, Facebook, ABC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, ESPN, NPR, Time, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Sports Illustrated, People, National Geographic, and many, many others. iPhone, iPod and iPad users aren’t missing much video.

You are a nuisance. Did you honestly believe you were a threat. I should smile at that.

Another Adobe claim is that Apple devices cannot play Flash games. This is true. Fortunately, there are over 50,000 games and entertainment titles on the App Store, and many of them are free. There are more games and entertainment titles available for iPhone, iPod and iPad than for any other platform in the world.

What’s the name of that chunky fellow running Microsoft? How much did he spend on Xbox? Billions! That I will smile at.

Third, there’s reliability, security and performance.

Flash bad. I do believe you are not so stupid as to understand and accept this once I speak of it. I am even communicating in your own words.

Symantec recently highlighted Flash for having one of the worst security records in 2009. We also know first hand that Flash is the number one reason Macs crash. We have been working with Adobe to fix these problems, but they have persisted for several years now. We don’t want to reduce the reliability and security of our iPhones, iPods and iPads by adding Flash.

Bitch. And slap.

In addition, Flash has not performed well on mobile devices. We have routinely asked Adobe to show us Flash performing well on a mobile device, any mobile device, for a few years now. We have never seen it. Adobe publicly said that Flash would ship on a smartphone in early 2009, then the second half of 2009, then the first half of 2010, and now they say the second half of 2010. We think it will eventually ship, but we’re glad we didn’t hold our breath. Who knows how it will perform?

Lay there! I am now to piss on you.

Fourth, there’s battery life.

To achieve long battery life when playing video, mobile devices must decode the video in hardware; decoding it in software uses too much power. Many of the chips used in modern mobile devices contain a decoder called H.264 – an industry standard that is used in every Blu-ray DVD player and has been adopted by Apple, Google (YouTube), Vimeo, Netflix and many other companies.

Do you really all not know this?

Although Flash has recently added support for H.264, the video on almost all Flash websites currently requires an older generation decoder that is not implemented in mobile chips and must be run in software. The difference is striking: on an iPhone, for example, H.264 videos play for up to 10 hours, while videos decoded in software play for less than 5 hours before the battery is fully drained.

You cared enough to send your very best. And it was shite.

When websites re-encode their videos using H.264, they can offer them without using Flash at all. They play perfectly in browsers like Apple’s Safari and Google’s Chrome without any plugins whatsoever, and look great on iPhones, iPods and iPads.

Are there even other browsers?

Fifth, there’s Touch.

Bwahahahahahahaha…..

Flash was designed for PCs using mice, not for touch screens using fingers.

You are a dinosaur, last of a dying breed; not smart enough or fast enough or aware enough to understand your pending extinction.

For example, many Flash websites rely on “rollovers”, which pop up menus or other elements when the mouse arrow hovers over a specific spot. Apple’s revolutionary multi-touch interface doesn’t use a mouse, and there is no concept of a rollover. Most Flash websites will need to be rewritten to support touch-based devices. If developers need to rewrite their Flash websites, why not use modern technologies like HTML5, CSS and JavaScript?

Do you see that? Up there, in the sky? That’s called a giant meteor.

Even if iPhones, iPods and iPads ran Flash, it would not solve the problem that most Flash websites need to be rewritten to support touch-based devices.

Our charity and pity would be wasted on you. You cannot survive in this new world.

Sixth, the most important reason.

Besides the fact that Flash is closed and proprietary, has major technical drawbacks, and doesn’t support touch based devices, there is an even more important reason we do not allow Flash on iPhones, iPods and iPads. 

Have you ever heard of the word, bukake?

We have discussed the downsides of using Flash to play video and interactive content from websites, but Adobe also wants developers to adopt Flash to create apps that run on our mobile devices.

Your tiny dinosaur brain…

We know from painful experience that letting a third party layer of software come between the platform and the developer ultimately results in sub-standard apps and hinders the enhancement and progress of the platform. If developers grow dependent on third party development libraries and tools, they can only take advantage of platform enhancements if and when the third party chooses to adopt the new features. We cannot be at the mercy of a third party deciding if and when they will make our enhancements available to our developers.

The spice must flow!

This becomes even worse if the third party is supplying a cross platform development tool.

I now find you so disdainful I can no longer speak your name

The third party may not adopt enhancements from one platform unless they are available on all of their supported platforms. Hence developers only have access to the lowest common denominator set of features. Again, we cannot accept an outcome where developers are blocked from using our innovations and enhancements because they are not available on our competitor’s platforms.

Oh, are you still here?

Flash is a cross platform development tool. It is not Adobe’s goal to help developers write the best iPhone, iPod and iPad apps. It is their goal to help developers write cross platform apps. And Adobe has been painfully slow to adopt enhancements to Apple’s platforms. For example, although Mac OS X has been shipping for almost 10 years now, Adobe just adopted it fully (Cocoa) two weeks ago when they shipped CS5. Adobe was the last major third party developer to fully adopt Mac OS X.

Paybacks are a bitch.

Our motivation is simple – we want to provide the most advanced and innovative platform to our developers, and we want them to stand directly on the shoulders of this platform and create the best apps the world has ever seen. We want to continually enhance the platform so developers can create even more amazing, powerful, fun and useful applications. Everyone wins – we sell more devices because we have the best apps, developers reach a wider and wider audience and customer base, and users are continually delighted by the best and broadest selection of apps on any platform.

Do you know what came at the end of the Jurassic period? Your death. Ha!

Conclusions.

Flash was created during the PC era – for PCs and mice. Flash is a successful business for Adobe, and we can understand why they want to push it beyond PCs. But the mobile era is about low power devices, touch interfaces and open web standards – all areas where Flash falls short.

This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius. And you are Ward Cleaver.

The avalanche of media outlets offering their content for Apple’s mobile devices demonstrates that Flash is no longer necessary to watch video or consume any kind of web content. And the 200,000 apps on Apple’s App Store proves that Flash isn’t necessary for tens of thousands of developers to create graphically rich applications, including games.

All will bow down before me!

New open standards created in the mobile era, such as HTML5, will win on mobile devices (and PCs too). Perhaps Adobe should focus more on creating great HTML5 tools for the future, and less on criticizing Apple for leaving the past behind.

You chose the blue pill. I chose the red pill and now can alter time and space.

Dear Leader
April, 2010

*I am not sure how this is related. However, just before exiting Dear Leader’s mind – cause it burns! – I discovered that his favorite song is ‘Pulling Mussels from the Shell.’ This must mean something. Alas, I am too weak to re-enter his mind at this time.

When you found a company that becomes hugely, a global brand, remake your industry, from scratch, then destroy it, remake it again, earn billions, lead your start-up from founding to world's most valuable, and design great product after great product, re-aligning multiple established industries in the process, while sitting atop a pile of cash equal to at least $60 billion American dollars, well...

it probably makes you actually believe you really are obi mother fucking wan kenobi

But, my dear Steve Jobs, you are not. And merely by saying something neither makes it so nor makes me believe it so.

And you still owe me an apology.

As I wrote last week:

I don't care if I want my smartphone to utilize the history of my locations. Or if I want a contextual recommendation engine. Nor even if Google bites the big donkey. Apple has placed my private information in jeapordy. By storing it, archiving it, making it easy to be transferred to other devices, they have placed the interests of services that do not exist yet, above me, the user.

Which I consider a betrayal.

I should have been told, in advance, what Apple was doing. I should have been provided, upfront, an opt-in setting for this. I should be offered the option, at anytime, to opt-in or opt-out. Even if every shred of intent of this location-tracking-storage feature was with my best interests in mind -- to provide better service, for example -- it is my decision, or should be, to *volunteer* this data to Apple.

Google may suck donkey for a host of reasons. But I volunteer to use their search engine. Facebook may be founded by a nerdy prick who wants my personal data to sell to advertisers, but I volunteer to participate on Facebook. And can leave anytime.

This is a betrayal by Apple. Plain and simple. I want an apology. I want an apology posted on Apple.com. Soon. 

And did I get my apology?

No. Not yet. The "monomaniacl" Jobs has dug in his heels. Waved his hand before our face. But it won't work. 

Jobs' (reported) response to a MacRumors questioner:

Questioner: Could you please explain the necessity of the passive location-tracking tool embedded in my iPhone? It’s kind of unnerving knowing that my exact location is being recorded at all times. Maybe you could shed some light on this for me before I switch to a Droid. They don’t track me.

Jobs: Oh yes they do. We don’t track anyone. The info circulating around is false.

Sent from my iPhone

Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve...This is bullshit. You know it. I know it. So the questioner fucked up and said "my exact location". So what? You think you've found an opening? That's bush league, Steve. Of course (far as we know) iPhone doesn't track our "exact location". What it does do is track *and store* our approximate location, going back since...when, Steve? Months? A year? And for you to to say Apple "doesn't track anyone" when you know, Steve, you know, that it is not us you are tracking but our iPhones, which we carry on us everywhere that you are actively disrespecting your customers.

That's bogus. Some say this is a software fuck-up. I don't believe that, but I'm willing to accept that. However, the *moment* Apple knew this was happening, which appears to be the moment this service was launched, Apple should have *told* its customers and had an opt-in feature, on the iPhone, *and* a reminder *every time* we were (unknowingly) transferring that archived location data to our other devices.

Apple fucked up. Get David Pogue, get AllThings D to spread FUD. It won't work on this one, Steve. Apple should not be tracking us -- or, at minimum, since we do so love to give up our personal information in exchange for goodies, Apple should be proactively informing us of this tracking and allowing us to opt-in (not opt-out) and to change our mind about it at anytime.

You know this is so, Steve, no matter what Google/Android are doing. Which simply isn't as bad -- and you know that as well.

I still await my apology.

Okay, that quote is from me, not from Steve Jobs. However, in today's media event, Jobs spent a good bit of time focused on the iPod Touch -- now Apple's top-selling iPod. While showing how great the iPod Touch is and how much better it is even now, Steve Jobs, in a quick, off-the-cuff remark also described it as "iPhone without the contract." This, dear reader, is telling.

Per Dear Leader, iPod Touch is now the world's most popular portable gaming device. And now, He's made it even better. My quick thoughts on what this means...

The Smartphone Wars are about the destruction of everything. Jobs and Apple have created a device, a simple, small device, the iPod, that has ultimately led to them sucking up nearly half the entire profits in the smartphone handset market. They own the portable media player market. They have the biggest online music and video store and app store. And now, more of these iPod Touch devices are selling then GameBoys and PSPs, combined.

In the smartphone wars, the iPod (Touch) is the U-boat. It is not as big or as powerful as those grand high-end Androids or Nokias, for example. It may never have the total numbers of those devices. But, like the U-boat, can sneak into enemy territory, hidden under the water, and destroy those big fierce war ships.

As I blogged in a few weeks ago...

Jobs will continue to pour money into building a superior product. He will continue to pour money into building out the iPhone/iOS ecosystem infrastructure: think: cloud services, iTunes in the cloud, improved distribution of videos, real-time, location-based social media for iPhone gaming, battery technology, screen technology and the like. Along with services that support the interaction between the device, the user and others: such as near field communications, improved FaceTime. Aquisitions, less important and too expensive.

Today, this was all essentially confirmed.

No one, no one in about 10 years -- 10 years! -- has developed an answer for iPod. What device has wreaked more destruction on existing businesses for so long without competition! The iPod is what has allowed Apple to build out the "world's largest" online media store.  Children, with a new iPod Touch they receive on Christmas, will become a user of the entire range of Apple products. Instantly. iTunes and the App Store. A iOS device. Games and the new gaming center. FaceTime. eBooks. Music. Video. And will now play and share games and chats and social media, all on their iPod Touch.

This (un-connected) device is what first teaches us how to use (and love) its iOS interface. It is what has allowed Apple to build out services and apps and features, like the new Ping, like FaceTime, that not only enable it to maintain a *thriving* closed ecosystem, at high-margin, but which lead its products to retain their superior position.

Guess what? These children are also learning how to use the iPod Touch for Skype and video calls and, since so many places now have WiFi, location-based services and social media and social games -- all while completely bypassing the public switched telephone network. Talk about your virtuous network effect ecosystems! Those tech journalists out there who lazily, unthinkingly proclaim that the smartphone is just like the PC and that APPLE WILL FAIL FOR NOT LICENSING ITS OS JUST LIKE BEFORE should get a clue. There will not be one single standard, as there was with the Wintel PC.

The smartphone industry will be more like the auto industry, should you need a comparison. The iPhone 4 is like a top-of-the-line BMW. Everybody wants one. Somehow, however, were this metaphor to be exact, BMW also has at the same time the best minivan, best hatchback, best sedan, best hybrid -- at equally competitive price points! How did this happne? Simple. For a decade others have ignored the power of the iPod! No one, still, has an answer for this. It's your daughter's birthday? She'll love the new iPod Touch! She's entering high school? Get this sweet new iPod Nano. Your son's headed to college? Nothing compares to this iPad! Family room? Apple TV hooks up easiliy and is less than $100 and you can all stream your videos and photos to the big HDTV.

And now that iPod is optimizing for iOS, expect Apple to sell even more devices. Yes, Apple, the biggest tech company in the world is a growth story.

Yes, they will also sell more music and more video and more books and more apps and more browsers and more games -- and more accounts and data for Apple. The Android OS is still -- barely -- able to work in a tablet. There's no real answer to an iPod (though maybe Archos will finally answer this challenge). The Android Marketplace sucks -- and that's just for apps. A simple, free, embedded competitor for FaceTime? eBook sales? Music and video? The best competitor out there is Zune. Zune sucks and it is second best! The only reason this has happened is because of an ongoing dismissal of the lowly iPod.

Now here's the part I especially love. Apple is destroying the existing food chain of books and music and video and software and games. At the same time, they are using this fairly low-cost device, the iPod Touch, to disintermedia the carriers. Texting, chatting, video calls, social gaming, location-based services; all available on the iPod Touch without a 3G/4G contract. All we need is (someone's) big dumb pipe. In fact, what other companies are doing actually further enable Apple/iPod/iOS growth. Cisco is everywhere. They buy Skype and within two short years, Skype will be everywhere; not a product, not a program, but a very component of the Internet. And low cost, mobile (video) calling becomes a reality, decimating carrier mobile/voice revenues. Does this hurt FaceTime? Possibly. But it sure as hell hurts carriers more while providing yet another great reason to have a cheap, highly functional iPod. Or, by then, a crappy Android media player.

Forget the U-boat metaphor. iPod is the power of flight. The smartphone war has just begun and everyone else is focused on building a better gun. iPod is dropping bombs and preventing them from leaving the dock.

"Whoosh. There goes another 200."

What's more, by placing iOS inside the iPod, this increases the virtuous network effect. This enables FaceTime, radically superior (mobile) gaming, the potential for social media and location-based services. But it goes beyond this. We now can have -- and freed from all contracts and all carriers except for the provider of our dumb pipe, full and true and reliable:

• person to person communication (voice, video, text)
• person to group
• person to device
• device to device (e.g. iPod Touch to new Apple TV)

In our living rooms and around the world. From house to house, dorm to coffee shop, my car to your office; on my son's iPod, the wife's Apple TV, my iPhone, my parents' iPad.

Admittedly, we are not freed from the clutches of Verizon or AT&T just yet. But we are getting there. And, after the gaming industry, this is Jobs' next big target. More and more options for low-cost, no-contract 3G/4G/WiFi services are popping up everyday. I communicate using FaceTime with my parents. True, I set up their WiFi network. But FaceTime calls between me and them, or rather, between them and their grandchild, is instant, easy, reliable -- a joy.

Apple is not slowing down. Their iOS is superior to Android, to Symbian, to Blackberry, to Windows. Full stop. They do not need to acquire. They do not need to play catch-up. They just need to continue incremental improvements and cost reductions -- leading to still more sales, more devices, a larger 'closed' network and even more media gateway dollars.

The one place they have not conquered, fully, is the large corporate market. That is not because of security or email. Rather, it is because businesses still require computers or laptops and these remain on the Wintel standard. However, given their new patents that show them essentially embedding iOs into a Mac and creating a laptop and tablet, they may be able to finally breech this front. Take your iPad home and enjoy it. Take it to work and show off your presentation at the next meeting. Plug it in the dock and file your report.

Until this happens, they continue to use the lethal combination of iPod and iOS to link up more people and more devices and more media and more services and more apps. Think the grand HP-Palm strategy -- only five years out in front. Think the big, multi-billion-dollar Microsoft-WP7 integrated play, only with passionate customers ready and willing to spend money. Think Android + Google TV, only it works, for everyone, always, instantly and we actually pay for our Hollywood blockbusters. That's how far ahead Apple is thanks to the iPod. The iPod begat the iPhone which begat iTunes which begat iPhone which begat App Store which begat iPad. 500 million iOS devices in two years would absolutely not surprise me.

Do I believe that when Jobs and company debuted the iPod all those many years ago that he envisioned a world where all our music and video and 'apps' would all connect with each other, seamlessly, beautifully, across devices, across people, across generation, nations? Absolutely. Do I believe he thought the iPod would be what launched this assault on all things digital -- and all things are digital? Possibly. Do I believe he imagined that even the fiercest competitors would ignore this 'music player' for so long, would be so weak in their response, year after year after year until the entire media market collapsed inward upon this low-cost device we buy for each of our children? No way.

Jobs must love the iPod. Years ago, when Yahoo mattered, they talked about it as a 'portal'. In fact, it is the iPod that is the portal. To Apple products and services and content and media. Unless Nokia has a couple dutiful hobbits stowed away somewhere, clutching a magical ring, no one will touch Apple at least for another few more years. Even if there are more Android smartphone sales than iPhone, for example, doesn't matter. Apple has a lock on our wallets. And we are happy to give it to them.

The tragically named Jkontherun has a post on Apple's continued efforts to prevent jailbreaking. Why would Apple spend all this time, money and effort?

Nobody knows...

So, I commented my thoughts, re-posted here, which have nothing to do with apps or security:

I believe there are two primary reasons for this:

1. Cause Steve said so
2. Apple has made it clear that they want to sell as many iPhones around the world as possible — but, they want even more to protect their massive profit margins. Would allowing users to jailbreak phones ultimately harm the carriers that are paying Apple so much for each phone, robbing them of long-term contracts/customers, and diminishing their desire to continue giving Apple $600 per device? This is why I think they do this.

Your thoughts?

Although retired from Apple in all but name only, and an engineer at heart, Steve Wozniak significantly underplays the iPhone 4 antenna debacle.

Per this Woz interview, he suggests the antenna issue is no big deal and he has heard no complaints. No, really, that's what he says.

We know this is not true. We know the antenna sucks. We know this is a major Apple fuck-up. We know Steve Jobs is using all his money, all his power and all his Jedi abilities to make us think otherwise. Of course, he has built up enough of all these to grind the complaints down but, and he should remember this, one more fuck-up on this scale and all that goodwill goes away as quickly as a phone call on the AT&T network on our iPhone 4 when we, uh, hold it.

But, so what. Woz has earned the love, the respect, the admiration of Apple faithful and old school engineers. He tells us the iPhone 4 antenna is no big deal, we don't have to believe him. He's earned the suspension of our certainty.

Whatever Apple is still paying him, it's not enough.

And I bet you dollars to donuts, and by the looks of it, Woz loves a good donut, when he turns 70, he'll take some sort of part-time job at a place like Frys. And even the dumb young kids who don't know him when they walk in the door, will leave thinking he's an all right guy.