Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really…
No, we don’t care. Nonetheless, Gruber writes:
TAG HEUER UNVEILS $1500 ‘CONNECTED WATCH’, MADE IN COLLABORATION WITH INTEL AND GOOGLE
46mm is a big watch, and the styling is decidedly masculine. But it definitely looks like a TAG Heuer. It doesn’t have a heart rate sensor, which seems curious. The watch faces are skeuomorphic copies of TAG’s mechanical watches. Like Apple Watch, it’s “splash proof”.
Let me speak for myself — and every human being on the planet. No one thinks you are an expert on watches nor on the watch industry. Dutifully talking about watches now that — surprise! — Apple offers a watch, may encourage a few sad-desperates to buy, but this simply isn’t going to move the needle.
Jony Ive, desperate for post-Steve glory, made a huge mistake. Tim Cook, religiously focused on profits before all else, went along with Ive’s mistake. Ha! Except, the world doesn’t need — and will never need — a high-priced, high-margin computerized screen on their wrist. Apple Watch will *always* be a fail. Talking about Rolex and “Switzerland” and premium and fashion and Hermes and Tag Heuer and horology — lol — only detracts from actual news and useful innovation.
It gets worse.
Apple built a high-priced computerized screen for the wrist because Apple’s strength is in building high-priced computerized screens. In this case, Watch is an unwanted one. However, the *potential* for a wearable device that monitors our movements, possibly our heartrate, maybe even our blood pressure, seems, well, huge.
But that’s not a given.
We assume that tracking our movements will provide actionable data and that this actionable data will lead to positive changes in our health. But what if it doesn’t? This newest study found that tracking our health didn’t actually improve things and may prove to be one more unwelcome data point for the entire wearables industry.
“Duke University published a study in the journal Obesity this week which shows that, over a two-year period, neither a specially designed mobile app nor a coaching intervention that utilized a mobile app was any more effective in promoting weight loss than the control intervention — a handful of fliers from a doctor visit.”
Time to think different. Forget wearables. Wearables are *not* the future. The future, as always, is the present, only much more so. And in the present, we live inside a screen. Accept that we all stare into screens always and use that reality to improve our health.
Optogenetics lets scientists, for the first time, not only measure brain activity, but actually change it. The technique involves programming the brain cells of animals (such as mice) to express a protein found in jellyfish, called channel rhodopsin, which is activated when a light is shone on it. Scientists can then turn specific brain cells on or off in the animal’s brain, controlling its thoughts or behavior.
Can we build optogenetic technologies in our smartphones? Program them to flash a light that makes our brain compel us to get up, put the screen down, and then go exercise?
Loop Insight tells us that “Apple continues to crush Samsung in market share.”
This is extremely important news because as we all know, market share is what’s most important. Nothing is more important than market share.
Except for when market share is meaningless.
Which it’s not because Apple is crushing it.
Yeah, me neither.
Jean-Louis Gassee touches on the potential (and the potential folly) of an Apple Car by exploring how companies are slaves to their culture.
“It’s not a technological misfit but a cultural chasm that separates Apple from the high-reliability “hard real-time” software that’s required for automotive applications.”
This matters to Apple, obviously, as the company has spent the past 40 years having *nothing at all* to do with cars and pretty much zero success in fail-safe, always-on, extraordinarily reliable embedded systems, which are, we all assume, baseline requirements for a car.
Culture matters. Culture matters above nearly all else. But money trumps culture — and nobody has more money than Apple. It is money that is driving Apple’s car aspirations. Here’s how:
- Apple is the iPhone company. iPhone is the source of nearly all the company’s revenues and profits. iPhone is a high-margin device. But — and this is important, pay attention! — the value of an iPhone drops precipitously when inside a car. We want our music, our tweets, our directions, our calling, but not that high-margin iPhone screen. When you are driving, all the perceived benefits of an iPhone versus an Android, say, nearly disappear. It’s all just Magic Voice and Big Brain. Google strengths. Hardware and screen are of little value. This is a profound weakness for Apple. Thus, figuring out how to make sure iPhone stays relevant inside the car is very important.
- The other reason why Apple is seriously considering building cars is because of money. No, not the money they will make from cars, which will be negligible. Rather, the money they will *save* by building cars. Again, I am dropping profound knowledge on you, so pay attention. Apple Inc is nearing a trillion dollar valuation! Apple has about $250 billion just in cash! EVERY GOVERNMENT ON THE PLANET BUT PARTICULARLY USA, CHINA AND EU want a substantial share of Apple’s money — and believe they have a right to it! (Governments always believe they have a right to other’s money. Always.) Tim Cook is a shrewd fellow and knows that every big, powerful government on the planet is looking into how they can get some of Apple’s many billions. I suspect Cook has already constructed a spreadsheet that shows him exactly how much cheaper it will be to mollify governments by spreading small amounts of cash around: put a billion here, a billion there, adding a data center here, a car dealership there, a Apple Car factory there. That should keep the taxman at bay, which is wise because taxmen rarely leave you with anything remaining. With car factories and dealerships and stores, those billions in R&D and S&M costs will still be far less than the tax collectors might get.
Speaking of money, did you buy your iPad Pro yet? No? GO BUY IPAD PRO!
BUY THE PENCIL! BUY THE KEYBOARD!
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA BUY!
I BOUGHT MINE! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!
OH YOU BOUGHT IPAD PRO! COOL!
Damn, but in a world with too much stuff, the Apple echo chamber has already moved on from BUY THE NEW IPHONE and BUY THE NEW APPLE TV to BUY THE NEW IPAD!
Because if you dare stop buying, their money goes away. Can’t have that. Thus, post after post after post about IPAD PRO!
Save your money.
The iPad Pro is utterly non-necessary. There is a reason millions of iPads are gathering dust in homes across America. These are simply devices that do very few jobs well, and almost none better than WHAT WE ALREADY HAVE!
Yes, it’s easy for me to mock how Apple — exactly as I predicted — is now quickly copying the Microsoft Surface form factor. Yes, it’s easy for me to mock the fanboys who called the Surface a “toaster fridge” but who are now forced, like good little sheep, to baaahhhhh before their new toaster fridge master.
As with Apple Watch, this is fail. The Surface-ification of the iPad won’t help much. For almost no job and almost no joy is the iPad better than, say, a MacBook. Given the stupid high price of iPad Pro, expect Mac sales to not be harmed in any way and iPad sales to remain anemic. Remember: we can go a day without an iPhone. Maybe. We can go a week without a Mac. Maybe. We can go forever without iPad (Pro) and Apple Watch.
Adding high-priced accessories to an unnecessary device, such as a stylus and keyboard, only reveals how badly Apple botched the potential of iPad.
It gets worse.
That we are 8 weeks from 2016 and Apple bigwig Eddy Cue says on this softball interview that iPad Pro is REVOLUTIONARY and THE FUTURE because, well, he can read email and visit websites, is straight-up embarrassing
Although, I will say that Tim Cook’s whiny retort to a question about (now) offering a stylus with iPad did make me chuckle:
“Well, we didn’t really do a stylus, we did a Pencil.”
That’s pencil with a capital P, you philistine!
The best part is, fanboys will actually repeat this! IT’S NOT A STYLUS! IT’S A PENCIL! BUT NOT THAT KIND OF PENCIL! YOU’RE STUPID! YOU DON’T GET APPLE! YOU’RE A STUPID HATER!
Oh boo boo.