I am not old. Your music just sucks. And these iPod Touch ads suck donkey balls.

I hate this new Apple iPod ad. And I don't think it's (totally) because I'm older, so much older, than these punkass kids. Rather, it's because they're so damn annoying.

Samsung is running a series of advertisements mocking Apple customers. I don't like the ads only partly because I'm an Apple customer and don't wish to be mocked. The ads are simply false, on every level. In particular, all the silly hipsters in the ads are, in fact, Android customers. Find a hipster you will find an Android customer.

Try this. It's 100% scientifically valid.

On the other hand, go to *any* Apple Store. It's filled with tweens, teens and seniors. Not 28-year-olds wishing they can save up enough money to open up their own, totally real, new retro diner.

But the kids in this video, and I'm the first to admit a couple of the the teen girls are packing a lot of heat underneath their blouse and I wouldn't mind having either of them. Well, you know, when it's all legal and shit.

But anyway, young pale Twighlight-chick-like tits and ass aside, they're all so annoying. They're the fake Apple customers in the Samsung ad, only ten years younger. It's all so affecting, if that's even a word. It's kids who spend an inordinate amount of money on their hair and clothes, thanks to their parents, then spend an inordinate amount of time getting their hair and clothes just right, all to look like their really hippies inside once you get to know them and don't care about this stuff.

All of which I fully realize does make me sound old and cranky. Don't care. These kids and their silly clothes and stupid hair...I mean, where the fuck are their parents!

Watch the ad. Tell me you don't find it annoying as shit. Sure, it will probably jack up iPod Touch sales for the holidays. Apple usually gets this shit right. Still...my son comes home one day all angry and tells me that Apple is stupid, that everything is stupid, I just might feel a bit o fatherly pride.

Which I wouldn't have for any of these poseurs.