The Phonies! Smartphone Wars awards (week ending 3 September 2010)

Half this site's readers are from the US. What that means for this week is that they will be enjoying the last long weekend of summer, the last holiday until (as the Candians call it) American Thanksgiving.

So I better do my best to make sure this week's Phonies are out before we all pack into our cars, are easily digestible, since we're going to be grilling a tremendous amount of cow over the next 3 days, and go down as cold and smooth as a weak but beloved American pilsner.

Let's get started! But first, let me pour myself a cold one.

Big Bang award

iPod Touch

The entry point to the iOS ecosystem for children, teens, grandparents. The training ground for iTunes, Ping, FaceTime and the App Store. The first online payments platform for millions. The linchpin in Apple's strategy to take a cut of all paid content -- yes, all of it: books, games, software/apps, tv, movies, music, ads.

One more thing. This week, the iPod Touch got much better. Sleeker, lighter, more functional. While others continue to fight it out in the bloody smartphone wars, Apple, like the United States in 1940 is generating more wealth, enough for a sustained battle with even the toughest enemies.

Woolly Mammoth award

Blackberry

New numbers from Quantcast show that mobile web browsing via Android devices is growing, rapidly, while on iOS it is slightly declining. As any tech blogger excepting me will tell you this is proof that OMG APPLE IS REPEATING THE SAME *MISTAKE* BY NOT LICENSING ITS OPERATING SYSTEM.

Actually, no. For many reasons; all of which I have said already. The iPhone/iOS is optimized for many activities. The mobile web is just one, and not even the main one. Not so with the Android. However, rather than re-hash that iPhone vs Android nonsense, we should instead look at the numbers for the Blackberry. They are not moving. In the smartphone wars, stagnation = death. The Blackberry is optmized for corporate email. Corporate email is becoming less important every day. We demand real-time, social, hyperlocal; of which email is none of these. The poor mobile web browsing numbers posted by Blackberry is simply not good news. I love Blackberry. The global smartphone market is growing. However, if they don't do a radically better job of supporting accessing the mobile web and social media, they will perish.

Dinosaur Crossing award

Jobs

It's Labor Day weekend in America! So, where are all the jobs? Sure, we're in a Great Recession. Problem is, at the same time, demographics and technology are working against you. I use contractors from around the world. The ones I use in the United States could, in fact, be located elsewhere. Our most advanced personal devices, the smartphones, are made in China, by Taiwanese companies, with Korean branding. Time and space are being altered. Anyone can get anything from anybody anywhere anytime. What makes you -- or the United States -- so special?

You want to do something this holiday weekend? That you'll remember. That will be patriotic? Start a business.

(If she's gonna be that dull, she better sex it up a bit.)

Gray Powell award

Samsung

Samsung announced the launch of its Samsung Galaxy Tab, a 7-inch tablet computer that runs on Android. No, you didn't hear of it because anyone who would have cared was paying attention to Apple this week. No, Android isn't optimized for a 7-inch display. No, there aren't really any tablet-optimized apps in the Android Marketplace. Yes, if there were, you wouldn't be able to search and find them, anyway.

And one more thing...

The entire go-to-market strategy of the Tab is wrong. It is focused on the iPad, which has the benefit of the iOS ecosystem, iTunes, App Store and the money-printing Apple retail outlets. Meanwhile, millions of crap Windows-based netbooks and notebooks are out there, easy pickings for someone with a bomb to drop. In this case, Samsung has badly missed the target. I expect this will setback Android tablet sales a good 6-12 months, further aiding the iPad.

Magical & Revolutionary award

Virgins

Honestly, who doesn't love virgins? Even the word, virgin, sounds so soft, so delicate.

Oh, sorry. It's not 'virgins' it's Virgin. As in the Virgin MiFi 2200. A device about the size of the brand new Apple TV, available for $149 from Virgin Mobile. It uses the Sprint 3G (not 4G) network and lets you create a relatively secure WiFi hotspot that can support up to 5 devices at once! Yes, America, there is a Santa Claus, and he's bringing you no-contract WiFi for your car, camper, picnic; nearly anywhere.

I ordered mine last weekend and was told they were out of stock. Tried again yesterday, with much success. It is to arrive on Tuesday. While other carriers gouge us with $60 per month required every month for 2 years, the MiFi 2200 is only $40 a month. There is no contract. You can purchase your plan, or not, at any time.

The only downside? Somehow, Google is trying to push this signal to the back of the line!