Smartphone Love Letters

[Week ending 4 December 2010]

Dear Lord,

Everyone, even on my staff, wants an iPhone. Android should be Windows Phone. Google gives away free apps. iPad is selling by the millions. Facebook is making Bing irrelevant. Games are all moving to the cloud. Google Chrome will soon power a low-cost netbook. IT managers are making decisions now based on what their users want, not what we tell them.

Please, dear lord. At least give me copy-and-paste for the Windows Phone for Christmas.

Signed,

Steve Ballmer

Dear Irrational Exuberance,

Stay alive! No matter what happens. I will find you!

Signed,

Groupon

Yes, Virginia,

I am Santa Claus.

Signed,

Steve Jobs

Dear budding entrepreneur,

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Signed,

Occupant

Sand Hill Road

Dear Bloomberg Business Week,

Fuck if I understand it. But what can I say. The old people just can't get enough of us.

Signed,

Zynga

Dear Cafeteria Mother,

I specifically asked for pinto beans on my burrito at lunch yesterday. Not black beans. I could have you fired. Don't make this mistake again. And, yes, I know where you live.

Signed,

Google employee # 16,492

Dear CEO of Research in Motion,

I understand you recently purchased a Swedish design firm. Congratulations in advance! The combination of Canadian engineers and Swedish designers is certain to break the previous mark for highest number of business meetings.

Signed,

Guinness Book of World Records